((fathers be good to your daughters))

So Father's Day. We got to celebrate my husband being a father for the first time this year and it was fun. He still has four weeks to meet the little human that will make him "dad" for the first time but he's already been the best father.

My dad is pretty great. One of those people that you don't really appreciate until you're older. I think about how much better he made our childhood than his was and I guess that's really the point. Dad always worked hard and still does. He did and does have an 8-5 Monday-Friday job but it didn't mean he had it easy. I think what I've learned to respect about dad is that he was in at 8 and he left work at 5. In corporate America I think it's almost expected that salary employees just stay longer or come in early or do work on the weekends but not dad because he was coming home to three kids and you could set your watch by him. Since I can remember he would get up early (that I know of he's never been late to work) and make himself lunch - usually sandwiches and a little fold top plastic bag of chips and carry it to work in a brown bag. He sometimes has a fork in his back pocket for transporting back and forth to work. He's like a rock when it comes to doing what he had to do to provide for us. Mom stayed home, which of course was a job in itself, and so money didn't grow on trees. I remember dad sitting down with the check book and crunching numbers and worrying about money but we always had what we needed so, job well done dad.
What's interesting and hard to explain is that dad always came to tuck us into bed and kiss our foreheads and say he loved us. He said it other times too. But for whatever reason the older I got the harder it was for us to connect. I can see that reflected to this day in our relationship, it's never been super easy or natural. I know he loves me and he is proud of me and I know I love him. We just somehow missed that foundation of really being comfortable with each other. At the end of the day though, my dad is a five-star dad. I know that he and mom pray for us every day and pray for their grandbaby and my marriage and anything I tell them we need prayer for. That's a dad.

The second father I celebrated this past Sunday was my husband. My baby daddy. I have said it before and I will keep saying it because it's true and dear to me - the number one thing I look forward to about our baby arriving is seeing this man be a dad. I think even more than I want to see her, I want to see him hold her for the first time. He's nervous about being a dad, especially to a little girl, but if he saw what I see in him he would just know that he's going to be the best at it. It's one of the reasons I love him.
Already he likes to make her things (she will have the coolest crib on the block) and buy her little outfits and he's so helpful during this pregnancy. He has talked to her and read to her and sang to her and I'm excited because she's going to know him. I know she will. I'm a little type A (surprise) and it's hard for me to let other people do things that I want to do myself but I truly look forward to him doing things like baths and diaper changes and feeding her... even if they aren't done the way I would do them they're done with love and I want him to be involved in every part of raising her. 
We have talked a lot about how he prioritizes his relationship with her, and any other children we have but especially our daughter(s). I know that our dads are on this earth to reflect God's love for us and for girls I know this is so important. If we don't find that affirmation and affection somewhere healthy we will find it somewhere that's not. He and I both haven't had a perfect example of what this father-daughter relationship looks like because no dad is perfect so I know there will be some learning for him and for me about how it works. But I know without a doubt he will be her biggest fan and she will be a daddy's girl. And nothing makes me happier.

((Lord are you sure?))

You ever sat and looked at your life and wondered if it's right. Not because you're not full of joy and not because it's not fun but just because sometimes it feels like it's taking everything you have to give? Most often these moments happen for me in the car. Between getting up and taking care of the dog, making the bed, making breakfast, packing a lunch, transforming from bed head to socially acceptable, showing up at work, working until lunch, flying around running 500 errands (utility bills, anyone?) at lunch, back to work, hurry home, cook something, eat something, wash dishes, wash clothes, take care of the dog round two, and hopefully getting to things like our garden and checking the mail and watering flowers and then do it all in reverse until I'm passed out asleep there's not a lot of space in there for reflection (add being super pregnant to that and you get the idea). I know this isn't unique to me, we are all busy in all different ways. But for me there is this precious half hour of driving between me and my job. Precious because it's never full of traffic and always full of the beauty of creation.

These drives are curious things. I always call my husband to say good morning or that I'm headed home but other than that this time varies from binging on the Bobby Bones Show (SHOUTOUT!) to catching up with my mom, sister or grandmere, to crying about something, to hard core rocking to some hip hop, to sitting in complete dazed silence. Then there's the days that the silence is thinking silence and it seems like I always come back to wondering if this is it. Is this what I'm "supposed" to be doing? Because some days it seems ridiculous and inconsequential and just temporary. And it makes me tired. I look at the faces in my life and I wonder if I'm treating them like Jesus would treat them or if in my worn out mentality I'm just doing the minimum to get by. I look at Jesus in my life and I wonder the same thing. Because sometimes the moments that are making me into the woman I'm becoming are also draining me. Because sometimes I just need reassurance that You see me, You are for me and sometimes I just need to know if I'm doing this right?

It's amazing to me that the decisions that I've made that have brought me to this life, this moment. Overwhelmingly I am thankful. But overwhelmingly I am the woman that is sitting in my car, thinking, Lord are you sure?

((family happens))

So this weekend we had Baby Shower round 2! It's so overwhelming to feel love poured out in planning and gifts and words. We were so blessed by everyone who got something for our little one and I have to say, she's pretty much set! .... unless you are Pampers and you want to sponsor her at life.

My mom flew in and helped clean and decorate and cook and organize and even took my car to get the oil changed... something that doesn't happen at my do-it-yourself-husband house!...but it was all so helpful to have off my plate.

My sister circumnavigated the globe drove in and had all these cute decorations and ideas and helped plan and decorate and cook and just make the shower fun in so many ways!

So sister left yesterday and I dropped mom off at the airport early this morning and it's all back to quiet normal. The next time I see them they will be meeting their grandaughter/niece. Crazy!

In other news, I got taken on a baby-free date yesterday and we had so much fun. Between Noshville (YUM) and our little chocolate cake in Centennial Park tradition I think we both felt refreshed. Note to self - take baby free time often!

So I'm wrapping up work and trying not to obsess over going home and doing more baby laundry and packing her hospital bag.... it's not working. I blame the baby detergent, that ish smells like heaven. 

((cleaning out & making room))

In my real life, I enjoy getting things done. Anything - the grass mowed, laundry, cleaning, organizing. I like the feeling of accomplishing something. In my pregnant life I may have become obsessive even more intense about accomplishing things, especially so close to baby's arrival.  Seriously, it's a disease! I may or may not have stood in line at the DMV to renew my husband's tags an entire month before they expire. If that doesn't explain the level of crazy that I'm at then I don't know what will. It's like I get energy from it.

Now, I'm married to a hard worker. For instance, this past Saturday in ungodly heat he spent all day outside cleaning out my flower beds, putting down new mulch, hoeing and weeding the garden and cleaning out all of our gutters. I like to think I helped but let's face it, I can bend down or I can breathe. These are the choices I have. But I am a champion at bringing more water, running to get Gatorade or dragging the tarp around while he drops fifteen trees worth of leaves out of our gutters all while fighting off vicious sweat bee attacks. Literally there is no one better at these things than me. BUT getting things done isn't where he gets his energy. He's a people person and an extrovert and he's constantly talking about getting together with people, something I struggle to understand. I always want things to be just us and create you know those special romantical memories... he always wants to invite people along on my big romantic plans. It's comical and it took us a while to understand the perspective of the other person.

Cut to this past Sunday and something I completely understand - after church he set out on a golfing adventure and I had the house all to myself with no one around to judge my OCD tendancies... this is what dreams are made of! I organized, steam cleaned carpets, organized some more, washed every baby item we have, spent a solid hour smelling the tiny clean baby clothes, threw away about four bags of junk all while jamming to some serious hip hop. This is what I understand, I love it. I mean I love people and all but my life being clean and organized is where it's at for me. So sad, I know.

I have told him that I want to prioritize relationships better. Isn't that what life is about? Sometimes in our busy lives we find ourselves saying we're too busy to get together or too busy to come by. I want to see past the busy and into the eternal things.

I think we both struggle with not having close friends in our area that are into the same activities that we are. We have amazing friends but not nearly enough and none that truly want to go camp with us or kayak with us or fish with us that are somewhere nearby. I think it wears on us both sometimes but him so much more. SO, I am going to try to look past some of the "things" that I "have" to do and look for ways to create those times where he gets his extrovert fix. My sister is an extrovert and literally describes it as a high.... I may never understand these people!

So how did two people so different end up together? I have no idea, I think God thought it would be fun to match a roller coaster (take a shot in the dark here, it's me) with a pacemaker. Truly nothing rattles him and he never misses a beat. Nothing gets him so excited he's a jumping screaming mess (although let's be honest I don't think I would be okay with that!), gives him insane road rage, makes him ready to fight, or even comes close to shaking his solid easy-come-easy-go personality. Take all the exact opposite of that and you've got me. So here we are, my feet firmly planted in introvert land, him this crazy people person. Me all dramatic and crazy and him all calm and laid back. Me with all my to-do lists and him with a total live in the moment philosophy. And I have to say, it works.
Somehow in over three and a half years we've learned things from each other that we couldn't have learned any other way. He has helped change me for the better and I hope that I have helped share some of my good qualities.

For a couple that everyone always says we "go togther" or we're "perfect for each other" while we share so many of the same passions and interests at our core we couldn't be much more different. There's no one else I would rather be exact opposites with.